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Tuesday, February 22, 2011 at 9:05 AM
Dear reader, Ahaha, i'm such a failure in life. Yup, i do have low self-esteem. Too bad, That's the way i am. Can't change it no matter what. Afterall, all the girls i liked, slowly got snagged one by one by other guys, Couldn't even get one of them. Sigh. I'm a 160cm and a ugly douche. Ain't that right? Facts can' be changed. Just like trying to wash ink from a shirt. I'm always wondering why. Why me? Out of the few billion people in the world. Why am i fated to be like this? I'm really hoping someone or something can really give me a good explanation on how the fuck am i so fucked up. I'm also probably one of the weakest guys too. Cries over girls, Envy, jealousy. It really sucks being me. Wished i could really have a changeover in life or a miracle. It's already late February, n's are approaching and yet i still have to worry over stuffs like this. Pathetic mindset. Pathetic brain. I really wanna be a person without a heart and emotionless. But that would only lead me to depression. So i'm still stuck at the very point of step 2. And now there's a tri-lane. Left: Down panadols like i used to. Middle: Move on ahead with still a very pessimistic thoughts Right: Just rot and die. Perhaps i'll still be stuck at this point even a few days before n's. Also, i'm starting to lose interest in living on. Seriously, it sucks. Whatever i do, nothing goes right. And, i'm thinking that i'm a hindrance to max and others. Sigh. I still prefer the plan of isolation which i went through when i was young. Now, thinking through, i really missed being a kid. Living on freely, no need to worry about anything. Also, i regretted finding a stead during secondary 2. Which led me to this pathetic life of a fool. I just don't get it, why can't i get a really really REALLY nice girl and settle down with her. Instead of some dyke cheating my feelings and timing me. Earlier on, i nearly cried too, due to my thinkings and so on, lost my mood and kept quiet. After that left max and jh for awhile to walk around. Still couldn't help but think of it. Why am i so short? Until girls has to shun me. And why was i born ugly, until not even one girl wants me? It's all getting up to my head. Due to that, i'm damn stress, and i feel feverish. God damn. I'm really hoping i would die, because all the things i want seems to be part of a fairytale, therefore, probably i'll die and maybe live on in a life far more better than this, shitty weak ugly and short body. |
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