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Sunday, January 30, 2011 at 9:02 PM
Dear reader, I don't know what to do. I'm really stressed. And sad. I just got rejected by jaslyn too. Well. Sort of. Sigh, and to think i left so much hope on her. Guess i got too over of myself. Ate 11 panadols to help me forget everything. But it didn't help much. I'm thinking of many suicidal tendencies, but i'm damn worried. Even you she rejected me. I still like her lots. But idk why, AM I SUCH A IDIOT. Doing so much for a girl. And i'm also losing hope in god. When i pray hard for the things i want, he didn't granted it. But those things which i didn't wanted, he granted it. Idk what the hell is wrong. But i'm going to be a really pessimistic person in life. Optimistic doesn't help much. Nor do anyone understands me. I'm sucha failure in life. Yesterday night, i walked under the rain for 1 hour+ alone. Cried like hell too. Wonder why am i sucha wussy in the 1st place. Sigh. 14th feb's gonna come soon too. I wonder why did humans even created a day like that. Its really crazy. |
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Wednesday, January 26, 2011 at 11:51 AM
Dear reader, I've had enough. I've seriously had enough. I'm starting to take panadols again. I don't know why, but i've a feeling that i just lost the optimistic side of me. Sigh. No matter how hard try, i'm still javier. The same old fail one. Sucks being me, and being in this world. I really did try my best.. To get her attention and everything.. But then.. Sigh. Guess i'm just a loser. Wanting something that cannot be achieved by my means. Tomorrow, i think i'm gonna go to somewhere high and isolated to cry or something. Sigh. Ever since i started blogging, nothing ever seems to change. It's been the same along. Always the pessimistic post. Not even an optimistic one. |
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Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 2:31 AM
Dear reader, Sigh, okay. Stress has gotten me. I'm screwed. Now i can't work nor think of any ideas for my n level dnt project. And Jh's right, its just like what he said, i didn't change at all. I'm still the same old javier, who relies on panadols and emo to solve my problems. I'm also still full of negativeness. Sigh, pathetic life of mine. Why can't you improve? I know i'm being an idiot by asking for the impossible. But seriously, i've been tolerating this for a effing long time. It's still the same no matter who i pray to, god, devil, or whatsoever. No one can ever pull me up. And what's worst, Someone even said i'm too fierce, that's why i'm at this state. Seriously, What does fierce-ness and my life has to do with each other? There's not even a single connection. God damn. Why can't i just get anything i want? Sigh. It's not that i don't want to change, but the events happening is preventing me from doing it. Even if i did like a girl, tried to woo her, in the end. I got nothing. NOTHING. So, What's the use? Of being positive, telling others my problem? All they do is give tips. And act as though they know me and my life. Please, No one has ever tasted my life. Once they did, maybe i'd listen to them. Even the n's are pulling me down, especially dnt. I don't even have the confidence to do it. Effing stress you know? Somemore i'm lacking of the time to do the stuffs i want. I'm definitely on my way to having depression. And maybe commit suicide or something. Sigh. Wished everything could still improved thou. |
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Wednesday, January 5, 2011 at 12:10 AM
Dear reader, Sigh, my hair got caught today. Went to cut it and got back my ez-link. It's really short now. I;m missing it already. And it's been only 7 hours. Okay, back to the main topic. I'm starting to get really stress. N's is only 7-8 months. And i'm already worrying like a douche. And i've kind of fallen for another girl? Zz. Don't know what's wrong with my mind. Ally's trying to help me by giving me tips and talking to me, appreciate it lots, but i doubt it'll help much. And i'm getting weaker and weaker this days, its like i lost part of my soul during holidays, who cares. I'm gonna die soon anyways. And sometimes, i have retarded thoughts in my head, cutting myself, eating panadol, selling my soul to the devil to get what i want. It's all being stuffed into my brain, and it's a bother. I've tried not to fall in love also, and yet, this happens. Despite me and her were friends for almost a year, i'm still not close with her. What to do.. And my n's. Sigh. Gonna have depression at the rate.. |
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